I feel so dependent on my husband that I sorta hate it. I miss being able to just take my keys and go for a drive.
Even if I don’t know the way, just keep driving and I’ll still be on that little island I have called home for so long.
I am homesick and I don’t know if my depression is setting in. I am unhappy when my husband is home and is more focused on his Xbox. I am fully aware that he needs his personal time too and I do not address it. I am also envious that he gets to go out to the field with his nephews to play, while I am at home.
Was this how he felt when he was in Labuan with me? But he had the freedom to leave whenever.
I miss doing things that I like too. I miss going to the movies, going to the grocery stores, I miss planning out the layout of the house. But with the current hit to the oilfield, we are trying to cut back on spending. I have never been one to ask for money or allowance, so it is especially hard on me that I am not allowed to have the freedom to buy groceries without going through it with my husband. To him, herbs and spices aren’t important but it is when in the midst of cooking and you need them.
I miss having someone to talk to. I miss my friends. I miss being home with my family. I am grateful for my in laws who try to be accommodating but they aren’t my parents. I miss my mom most of all. I think my son misses her too. She will be here soon though.
I think this migraine is killing me.